So I haven’t blogged in months. Fair to say that things have been utterly crazy in every way imaginable. Let me fill you in.
In November, after 10 years of being together Giles and I mutually agreed to end our relationship. It was an incredibly tough decision for us both but one we agreed to break-up from a place of deep respect for one another.
As you know we had undergone two unsuccessful rounds of IVF, and what the IVF highlighted was that we weren’t fully aligned. Although he was agreeing to start a family, it didn’t feel like his heart was ever fully in it. We were kind of going through the motions. This misalignment made us both look at the relationship between us and the more we looked the more we realised how platonic our relationship really was. We were the best of friend, but living fairly independently, and neither of us was loving the other in the way they deserved to feel loved.
We initially made a decision to not go ahead with any further IVF until we had worked out what was happening between us. Whether that misalignment could be overcome or not.
We realised that in a way we were comfort blankets for one another. In being together we were secure and kind of happy, but not feeling fully loved and embraced, and by staying together we were denying ourselves the possibility of finding real happiness.
The process of breaking up was slow. We talked about it for months before the actual conversation where we ended things for good. Then due to the practicalities of me having to find somewhere else to live we ended up living together for another 3 months. In that time we were able to gently unweave ourselves from one another, slowly picking apart our intertwined lives.
It was painful and raw. The process was slow and this allowed us time to grieve together, and honestly I will always be so grateful for that. Our compassion to help each other through the break-up, to speak kindly to one another, to hold no blame or animosity. It showed me how deeply we cared for each other and that we could maintain deep respect throughout the process no matter how painful it was. I have never witnessed a break-up like that. All break-ups I’ve ever seen before (my own and other peoples) are so unkind and damaging. I realised how adult we were being, how far I have come in my healing journey. I feel so proud of us for how we behaved.
In February I moved out into a new apartment. We decided to co-parent the cats as much as possible but as I had booked a yoga retreat a week or so after I moved out the cats stayed with him for the next month.
I was blogging a bit through that time, focusing on my workouts and daily bits and pieces. But now 5 months since we broke up my life is so incredibly different and has changed so dramatically I want to be able to share all that has happened that with you, but to do so you kind of needed to know that backstory.