Since returning from the yoga retreat I have tried to make yoga primary exercise focus.
Being told that I should avoid hot yoga during IVF has actually not been good for me both mentally and physically. Stopping the exercise I have done frequently and consistently for the last 10 years doesn’t feel like the right advice for me.
I need hot yoga.
Stopping yoga during IVF has made it really hard for me to face all the ups and downs of treatment without my safe space to retreat to when things are tough.
My mat is the place I go to for peace of mind, to feel release of emotions, to feel strong and capable.
So now I am back to it I feel more capable and flexible in every way.
I’m not back to running yet but I have been weight training and it feels good.
The last month I have had a lot of people comment on my weight loss and although I know I’ve lost 2.5 stone, I know there is still a desire to have lost more, a want to be thinner, more toned and you know….. generally be more perfect.
Right now though I am really trying to focus inward rather than outward. I am trying to focus on who I am, what I want and need in life, and how I feel rather than just how I look.
I’m on this long journey of healing and recovery and it is bigger than just the exercise I am doing and the weight I had to lose.
I have now been sober for 6 months and with sobriety I have a very different focus in my life; one that doesn’t get to hide away from my feelings, emotions and experiences by using alcohol to numb and escape. Learning to sit with my emotions is new for me, as there has always been something I have used to avoid this.
So getting back to regular hot yoga gives me a sacred space to do that, to feel, to be challenged, to overcome.