Official Test Day

Needless to say I didn’t sleep well on Thursday night. I got a pregnancy test ready to use in the morning. OK, I had 2 ready just in case. 

After a fitful night of intermittent snoozing I was wide awake at 5am. Both cats were asleep on me, surely a good sign. Cats have a sixth sense right?! 

So I gently moved the cats off me so I could go to the bathroom, intentionally making just enough noise to make Giles stir awake.

Negative.

Both tests negative.

With IVF you know the exact date the embryo is in the uterus so a false negative on official test day (OTD) is unlikely. 

I went back to bed, text a few people who were also waiting in suspense to hear our news. 

I fell asleep. I dreamed of a positive result, of babies. 

Not this time.

In fact, not all the times I have tested for months. 18 months. Just another negative, not really any worse than all the others.

Unexplained infertility.

Perhaps it’s not as unconcerning as I had tried to convince myself. It’s just dawned on me that where there is no cause there can be no solution. 

That said. I’m not giving up just yet. We will just keep trying for now. And I will take a rest from the toil this last month has been on my body and soul.